fadingcastiel:

They look at each other so coldly and so brokenly that you can just see the past in their eyes. All the love but all the hatred… They’ve changed so much yet they’re still there together: Dean is a stone cold leader who doesn’t care who he hurts for endgame and Cas, a whisper of an old angel who takes drugs to feel that euphoria his grace once gave him. They hate each other because they hate what they have become. They hate who they are now and they hate how they became what they are because they each blame themselves for the other. Dean blames himself for Cas falling. He knows it’s all his fault, that Cas is broken beyond repair. And Cas believes he did nothing to stop Dean from the monster inside of him; he couldn’t save him. They don’t blame each other, they blame themselves. But they love each other, they will always love each other, and even though it hurts dean to see Cas so in love with his past self – Cas’ not-well-hidden stare of passing judgment and his heart eyes for the past dean because that’s the Dean he fell in love with, and will always be in love with – Dean knows he will never be that Dean again. He will never. So sure, Cas and Dean could be fucking in the future, stifled feelings and detached emotions, but it doesn’t mean anything. They try to forget what they’ve become, try to remember what it was like all those years before, but it will never be that way again. And they know that.

i was not prepared for this